Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
