i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
