Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
