They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You need Xanax blowdarts
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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