Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My penis needs a shock collar
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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