drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
