True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
