Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
