i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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