yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
