Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
