Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
