I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I supernannyed him into submission
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
