:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
