evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
