i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
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I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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