Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
