i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
