I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You took a bar mat shot.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
