Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
