u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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