It's Friday. Sex?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
