I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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