I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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