I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
