the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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