I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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