My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
