We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
