It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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