The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
