Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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