somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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