..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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