Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
