yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm going to jail i love you
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
