just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my shit smells like andre
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
