I am puke
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
