woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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