My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
