o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
