For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
