ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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