you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
