She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
