he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
