There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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