Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
