if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
