We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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