i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
