Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We named our party play list daddy issues
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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