About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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