We're facebook friends in real life
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
