I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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