similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
